Hello, dear friend ~

Welcome to August; may it be rich in experiences that serve and fulfill each of us in ways as good or better than we expect.

Within the context of expectation, something that frequently comes up in my conversations with clients is ‘futurizing’. Oftentimes, a more apt term is ‘catastrophizing’. We — the use of ‘we’ is intentional here as I refer to the collective of ‘us’ in this message — predict the future and respond to it in the present. The angst this causes reflects the thievery of this action: by predicting negative outcomes which activate anxiety, we rob ourselves of the peace otherwise possible in the present moment.

What could be different?

First, we can learn to notice our thoughts. This awareness represents a first step: to pause and observe our reaction.

The nature of my work lends itself to a few common narratives involving the futurizing of decline in ourselves or in someone we love. The implicit assumption that impending changes will create something we do not desire: “when he comes home from the hospital, I’m not going to have any freedom for myself,” “when her dementia worsens, it’s going to be impossible to enjoy life,” “when I have to move, my life is going to be over.”

Let’s start with the ‘when this, then that’ assumption. Within this formula, we have the power to shift our narrative. Even in the subtlest ways, we can begin to take baby steps in creating a new perspective around perceived expectations.

“When he comes home from the hospital, things are going to be different. I am grateful I have the time now to do some research and see what’s possible in getting the support we both need to create something new that works for both of us.”

“When her dementia worsens, life is going to change. The uncertainty about how this diagnosis is going to manifest is uncomfortable for me, yet I am choosing to view the unknown with an open mind that allows me to trust the process.”

“When I move from my home into a new living space, a new chapter of my life will begin. I am open to the changes, even when they feel uncomfortable. I appreciate the opportunity to create my best quality of life, even when it looks different than I expected.”

Do you notice the nuances of the pivot here? Speaking into what we desire helps guide our thoughts in a positive direction. Speaking into the negative has the same effect. The choice is yours to make. This evokes the concept I’ve often written and talked about, which is “flexing the mental muscle” to rewire the brain from thoughts that don’t serve us to ones that do.

As I return to the quote I chose for this Note, I am pleasantly surprised at the alignment of the ideas presented. Sweetgrass thrives by planting its roots, rather than by seed. Similarly, this Note offers insight into adjusting existing thoughts; planting seeds, creating new thoughts is always encouraged, yet hopefully the examples shared give you another option to consider.

Also interesting to me is “sweetgrass thrives along disturbed edges.” How often is this true in our own human condition? Our greatest challenges can become our greatest opportunities.

This has been a longer Note than I usually write. If you’ve made it to this point, thank you for reading. As I continue to forge ahead on my own journey, I am grateful to those who walk alongside me, mindful of our expectations of the road ahead.

Need a soundtrack for the day? Listen to my appearance on Jonathan Satovsky’s Wisdom, Wealth, & Wellness Podcast! (29 minutes)

With Big Love,