Messages and Messengers
Greetings to the month of May ~
In my first note of 2025, I shared an observation about themes in the statements I hear myself say frequently. Here’s another installation for you:
“Messages are often heard differently based on the messenger.”
Messages and Messengers.
Have you ever given thought to the way we receive a message based on the messenger delivering it?
This has been revelatory to me as I engage in conversations with clients and their families. Family dynamics span the continuum of relationships: close & distant, connected & conflicted, on the same page & in different books altogether.
Even when there is mutual willingness to be in a conversation, we often don’t hear what’s being said. We interpret the message through our individual filters of the messenger. In this way, a disconnect can occur.
There is no blame or shame in this observation. Truly, we are creatures of habit, and this includes our communication. Getting stuck in patterns of communication is understandable, especially between spouses, adult children, and siblings. And especially when the conversation has to do with perceptions of changes in an aging loved one.
What I’ve found to be of great value is inviting families into conversation, together with me, to discuss their thoughts and concerns. I notice the ways in which individual family members look at each other, sometimes startled to find out that a message they’ve been conveying has been heard differently than it was intended. Siblings are often astounded at the stark contrast in their experience of a loved one’s aging process.
Can it feel uneasy? Yes.
Does everyone get a chance to feel seen and heard? Yes.
Is the conversation worth the effort? The feedback I’ve gotten from families is a resounding YES.
I would like to humbly apply the simple brilliance of A. A. Milne’s Winnie-the-Pooh quote here, by encouraging you, dear reader, to be a messenger.
Who might you approach today to share a message and create a new opportunity of connection?
Safely by your side in this big Forest,
