Gaslight

A word that turned from a noun into a verb entered the modern lexicon at some point and has become a prevalent psychological term: Gaslight. The current use of the word, gaslighting, is defined as “a form of psychological manipulation and emotional abuse in which a person or group makes someone doubt their own memory, perception, judgment, or sanity.”

I recently learned that this term comes from a 1938 play by Patrick Hamilton, Gas Light. Adapted from that play came the 1944 movie, Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer, and Angela Lansbury. Set in the early 1900s, a husband psychologically manipulates his wife in several ways, one of which is turning down the gas light in her bedroom and denying her reports of the light dimming each night.

I had the unexpected pleasure of seeing this movie the other evening and found rather startling parallels to my work as a therapist specializing in aging, and often encountering individuals diagnosed with dementia.

As I watched Ingrid Bergman’s depiction of Paula, a woman experiencing fractured realities between what she knew as real and what her husband convinced her was real, I felt a profound connection to my work with clients coping with dementia.

These opposing realities tormented Paula as she was made to believe her memory was not working, and she was losing her mind.

Neurological disorders such as dementia denote cognitive changes that can include memory loss, poor emotional control, and impaired judgment. I have spent my career working with individuals impacted by a diagnosis of dementia (Alzheimer’s, Lewy body dementia, frontotemporal dementia [FTD], vascular dementia), witnessing its effect on both the person diagnosed, as well as the loved ones caring for them.

I am consistently fascinated by the different ways people respond to cognitive decline. Here are four general observations I've made after someone has been given a diagnosis of dementia:

Self-aware and accountable: Person is aware of changes, takes proactive measures to prepare and plan ahead.

Self-aware and sad, fearful, or angry: Person is aware of changes, grief immediately sets in, followed by shutdown and isolation.

Unaware and accepting: Person knows something is ‘off’ and reacts with levity if not frustration.

Unaware and accusatory, resistant: Person adamantly refuses to believe or acknowledge diagnosis, accuses others of 'being crazy'.

Ultimately, this leaves loved ones in their own fractured reality: who their person was, who they are today, and who they wish they could be again.

As I watched Ingrid Bergman’s pained expression each time she was led to mistrust her own sense of reality, it brought to mind the many times I’ve watched pained expressions in clients and their caregivers.

Gaslighting and a dementia diagnosis are absolutely different and distinct from one another.

The parallel that struck me, and the motivation for me to write about this, was from watching the movie, Gaslight, and seeing the pain depicted in someone who slowly felt she was losing her mind. The experience of cognitive decline can be similar. Memory loss can leave people feeling unable to trust themselves or others because reality feels unclear and elusive.

Although there is no 'fix-it' formula for dementia, being able to talk about it, walk with others on a similar journey, and connect to resources for support exemplify actionable ways to cope with the diagnosis.

I am proud to hold space for those navigating this uncharted path through counseling, consultations, support groups, education, and self-care offerings. 

As seasons change, so do we. Change can heighten feelings of vulnerabililty; knowledge and support take us from fear to courage.

Compassionately yours,